Sometimes I get rebellious. Other times I get curious. But usually I just get lazy. I start spending less time with my Father and more time with my friends. I begin tweeting more Bible verses than genuinely praying. I push the limits or justify my actions to my closest friends. I put off what should be my first priority for trivial and superficial things. When this happens, when I forget my reason for living, my life gets confusing and lonely.
In those moments of confusion and loneliness, I begin to think back on my past thoughts and my actions. I realize that at some point I had decided to make my own decisions without consulting my Leader. I had chosen to close off my heart to His guidance in order to quicken a decision or to get what I wanted at a particular moment. I decided to listen to my sinful heart instead of the heart of the Holy One. I also realize that it has happened before so many times. Shouldn't I get it by now?
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9
I imagine the Lord waving his hands in front of my face saying, "Hey, why don't you ask me what you should do? I love you and will lead you to a life of true joy and fulfillment."
I know with all my heart that the Lord Jesus Christ is the Savior. Nobody and nothing will satisfy me like He can. I can't trust myself or my heart. I will wander again, though I will never be lost. I have nowhere else to run but into His arms.
So why is it so difficult for me to spend time with Him? Why can I sit in front of the TV for an hour but can't read more than a few passages in the Bible before my mind wanders? When I know God loves me just as much as He loves Jesus, why do I go days without declaring my love for Him? How do I not stand in awe at His feet everyday?
To whom shall I go Lord but to You? I want to seek you constantly and passionately. I praise you for your patient mercy and everlasting grace.
In those moments of confusion and loneliness, I begin to think back on my past thoughts and my actions. I realize that at some point I had decided to make my own decisions without consulting my Leader. I had chosen to close off my heart to His guidance in order to quicken a decision or to get what I wanted at a particular moment. I decided to listen to my sinful heart instead of the heart of the Holy One. I also realize that it has happened before so many times. Shouldn't I get it by now?
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:9
I imagine the Lord waving his hands in front of my face saying, "Hey, why don't you ask me what you should do? I love you and will lead you to a life of true joy and fulfillment."
I know with all my heart that the Lord Jesus Christ is the Savior. Nobody and nothing will satisfy me like He can. I can't trust myself or my heart. I will wander again, though I will never be lost. I have nowhere else to run but into His arms.
So why is it so difficult for me to spend time with Him? Why can I sit in front of the TV for an hour but can't read more than a few passages in the Bible before my mind wanders? When I know God loves me just as much as He loves Jesus, why do I go days without declaring my love for Him? How do I not stand in awe at His feet everyday?
To whom shall I go Lord but to You? I want to seek you constantly and passionately. I praise you for your patient mercy and everlasting grace.
"Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:68
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